Monday, June 27, 2011

Lost My Buzz - Found My Buzz

Zak and the rest of the rescue team. Butts cropped by request.
My cell phone jarred me from a deep sleep in my La-Z-Boy chair and it was, Joanne, my sister's neighbor from across the street, "Buzz got away. We need your help." It's only Monday and the drama has begun; but in less than an hour, I lost my Buzz and found my Buzz. 

After being up all night working on my blogs in my truck at the public library parking lot (stealing WiFi), I stopped for a large breakfast at Maria's Restaurant around 6:15 am. Knowing a Greek omelet, home fries and rye toast would knock me right out, I hurried home and plunked down in my La-Z-Boy chair. Within seconds, I was asleep.

At 1pm I get a frantic call from, Joanne, my sister's neighbor, "Buzz got away. We need your help. We can't find him." Buzz is a tiny Yorkshire Terrier, my sister's third limb - she's always carrying him around.

Unfortunately, my sister and her family had just left early in the morning for a week in Florida, visiting her in-laws. Buzz was staying with another neighbor, Mary, who lives two doors down from Joanne.

Mary is an older woman who has had a number of medical procedures over the past ten years. She's had a hip replacement and occasionally uses a cane. When I heard that Buzz had escaped her fenced yard, I thought, "Poor Mary is going to have a heart attack."

Buzz, ready to attack and leave a tiny mark. Beware!
Joanne had her son, Zak, combing the neighborhood, she also called Animal Control.

Since I was suddenly roused from my "Stave Off The Ugly" Sleep, I needed a few minutes to get myself upright and thinking. After I was ready, I immediately went to my sister's house, two streets away. I went to the driveway gate and opened it. If Buzz returned, he'd have a way in.

But then, I peeked over the gate and there was Buzz, on the deck at the back door, scratching to get in.

You might be thinking, "Thank God, game over." Nope. Buzz is one hyper dude. And he won't let anyone hold him except my sister - at least not without a fight. You see, Buzz thinks he's a really big dog. He attacks German Shepherds and Labs, nipping at their ankles with intense ferocity. He has no clue that he's a snack to these dogs, but Buzz is not phased. He's BUZZ! Beware!

Now, I had to catch the little guy. I tried calling Joanne, but no one answered her phone. For about 10 minutes, I tried to trick Buzz to getting within arm's reach of me. "Here Buzz, let's go inside." And I'd stand at the back door and hope he'd come to me. He did, but as soon as I started to bend over, he bolted. I could see this would take a while.

Fortunately, Joanne and Zak returned and I yelled, "He's over here. I have him."

When they came over, we formed a circle and I was able to snatch him up, but not without taking several snaps from his vicious jaws. They have the strength to dent a marshmallow. You need to be careful.

Buzz wrestled for a minute, then he recognized my scent. I'm one of the few people he hops on the back of the couch and comes over to sniff an ear and then scurry away to safety. I'm his buddy. You have to read the attached story about how I was part of Buzz's former sex life.

We all assembled at Mary's and cloistered Buzz in the house. Then, we checked for any other openings in the green chain link fence to see if our escape artist had any more gateways to freedom. Once the area was secure, my job was done.

Then a debate started, "Should we tell Mary Lou?" I said, "Of course." We had a happy outcome and no harm. I told them, "I'm going to write about it on my blog." And my niece, who's in college, will probably see it on Facebook. "So, you have to tell her."

A few minutes ago, my sister sent a thank you text. "I'm sure I'll read about it on your blog." You're damn right!

Now, I have to get back to work on the things that keep my main site www.RogerBlazic.com going. That's where my money is.

Monday has kicked off well. I lost my Buzz. But luckily, I found my Buzz. Thirty years ago, I used to say that every day.

Related article on www.RogerBlazic.com:
Poor Little Buzz Won't Be Humping The Hedgehog Anymore

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Sunday, June 26, 2011

Internet Soap Opera - All My Donuts - Coming This Week

All My Donuts is coming this week. Grab a coffee.
After a quick peek at the deep fryer, it looks like it is finally time to serve up some donuts. This is a project that has been in the works for several months and if all goes well, it should be launched this week. It's an Internet soap opera - All My Donuts.

My writing headquarters for the last three months has been Dunkin Donuts at the corner of E. 222nd St. and Lakeshore Blvd. in lovely Euclid, OH, a suburb of Cleveland. All My Donuts is going to take you into the strange world that exists along about 200 yards of Lakeshore Blvd.

I have never had a neighborhood hangout, since the days of the playground at Indian Hills Elementary School when I was growing up. Everything happened there. You couldn't miss a day. The same applies here at Dunkin' Donuts and the other shops and WiFi spots down the block. There a couple dozen characters that are regulars and then we get the drive-bys that add extra color and flair to the landscape.

This is a real reality show. It will be weird, funny, raw, uncensored and touching. You'll meet a wide spectrum of people - all with interesting stories or just plain weird quirks. They'll all be here.

So, stop everything in you life and sit staring at your computer monitor from now until the end of the week. You don't want to miss the initial cast introduction.

Yes, my Internet soap opera - All My Donuts is coming this week. Grab a coffee and enjoy.

For more of my satire, information and advice, see my main blog www.RogerBlazic.com
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Saturday, June 25, 2011

Doctors Tell Me I'm Going To Die - It's Been Fun - Good-bye

I want my funeral to be a party. There were good times.
As most of you know, I was shipped from Las Vegas to Cleveland to be close to family due to health reasons. Since I'm broke, I had to spend months getting hooked up with all of the county and city services for the poor. After about six months, I had a complete medical team assembled. Recently, I've gone through a series of tests and evaluations and my doctors tell me I'm going to die. It's been fun. Good-bye. 

For the last three months, I've had needles poked in me, blood work, tests, shifts in medication and then I had to wait for the results. It's a painful and confusing time to wait for a verdict on your mortality. Last week I got the news, my doctors are absolutely certain that I will die within the next 75 years.

Gotcha!

There is a point to this literary bait and switch. I've had several friends who were diagnosed with very serious diseases. Initially, they were shocked and depressed, but then they decided to follow their doctor's treatment plan and fight the nemesis.

Almost all of them survived. A few slipped away, but the majority are back to their normal lives.

As great as modern medicine is, there are still parts of it that are based on speculation. Sometimes, what is ailing you is completely missed or misdiagnosed. That is why, if you get dire news, start getting second opinions. Different eyeballs see different things. Doctors are human, they can make mistakes. Medicine is a highly complex science and it covers an extremely broad spectrum - that is why there are so many specialists that deal with only one aspect of the human body.

So my diagnosis is really correct. I will die within the next 75 years. But you never know. I could be 130 years old and have a cake that looks like an Arizona forest fire. Take that Doc!

When we think of death, 99% of people think of the death of the body. But there is an even worse fate you can endure during your lifetime - the death of your mind. I'm not talking about Alzheimer's Disease, I'm talking about giving up, settling, failing to dream, losing ambition, never seeking another mountain to climb.       

Age is a number, vitality is a state of  mind. I used to have a joke about my father. I'd say, "My dad died 10 years ago, but his body keeps walking around."

There are a lot of people that live their lives in a state of mental death. They're usually poor, angry, depressed, bitter and not much fun to be around. Those are all choices.

I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, ADD/ADHD, and anxiety disorder. There were times I was so down because of my condition I was going to punch the next person that said, "It's your choice to be miserable." Those people don't understand mental illness. But there were choices I could make within the parameters of my illnesses.

As my symptoms increased, I lost everything. I went from being a relatively wealthy, successful guy to being one step away from being homeless. I'm still broke, living on food stamps and charity, but I had this silly little laptop. That was about all I retained from my piles of worldly possessions. I decided to do something with it. And I wasn't going to let circumstances stop me. I had to rebuild my life and I made a decision to do it on the Internet.

Right now, my office is the driver's seat of my 2005 black Toyata Tacoma pickup. All the windows are open. It's a nice night. A ball game is being played by a little league team about a hundred yards from me. Every now and then I hear the ting of an aluminum bat cracking a ball and the players, coaches and parents cheering. The pitchers must be pretty good, there haven't been many tings.

Norah Jones serenades me and my laptop is perched on a thick blanket to protect my thighs from burning up from the heat of the laptop. With my laptop propped on top of the blanket it provides an easier angle for me to type.

I'm not in a mahogany office with a view. I don't have a great cubicle. I don't have a fax machine or a copier. File cabinet? Ha! I'm stealing the WiFi signal from the public library because all of the other Wifi spots are closed in town. I've found a way to go on. I'll be here until dawn or later. Every time the CD changes, I'll run my truck for 10 minutes to recharge the battery.

If I can work on building a new life, filled with hope and ambition working in 12 cubic feet of space, you can do whatever you want, too.

My head is filled with stories of people who went on to greatness in their later years. They never gave up.

With the economy as bad as it is (BTW - the Recession never really ended), a lot of people are out of work. They have to find a new way to make it. I'm not suggesting that everyone and their brother get their laptops and jam the library parking lot at night with me, but you have to be creative and think outside of your box.

You start by thinking long and hard about what you absolutely love. Then you start working on that. Get good at it and then you look for ways to monetize it. I've met so many people that baked cookies for old age homes and now are flourishing caterers, or the guy that was creative with shearing shrubs and now he has a thriving landscape company. The list goes on and on.

Pursue your passions. Never let the world execute your dreams. Continue to dream. Nurture those thoughts and find them a way to blossom.

I've accepted the fact that I live in a friend's house that is so full of crap, it's really a storage facility. I've found ways around the fact that I don't have Internet access at home - the first time in 17 years. I don't care that I only have three pairs of jeans and six t-shirts. I've gotten over the shame of using a food stamp card at the grocery store and eating free meals for the poor and mentally disabled at churches. None of those things matter to me. I have my laptop and I can do what I love, write.

I'm also passionate about marketing and how the Internet works. I've become a wizard at blog search engine optimization (SEO). This blog went from a traffic rank of about 10 million in the US, to within the top 450,000 websites in the US in 90 days.

My rank has taken a big hit because my computer died and I was out of business for two weeks. I just got it back three days ago. I'll build it back. I know where I'm going and I have the passion and work ethic to get me there. Take that as a lesson for yourself. Never, ever give up.

You have a gift. Everyone does. God gives everyone a special, unique gift. You need to search your soul and find that gift - then put it into action.

You do and you won't get news like I did - my doctors tell me I'm going to die. Ha! It's been fun, and there is more to come. No good-bye - Hello to the future. I can't wait.

Related articles:
Does Micro Center Sell And Repair Apple Computers? Yes And Yes
I'm Back Blogging - Again - #SaveTheBlog Kept Me From #VirtualDeath
I'm Back Blogging. Insane Asylums and I Must Be Crazy. 

Best of My Funny Blog Posts



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Tuesday, June 21, 2011

I'm Trying to Blog For A Living. My Computer Is Broken. I Need More Meds.

I ONLY HAVE TWO HOURS AT THE LIBRARY.
Sometimes you just have to say, "F&^K IT and put on the Pink Floyd." That was a quote from one of my best clients in Las Vegas. He ran Memphis Championship Barbecue. (Hey Carlos!!!!). I'm trying to blog for a living. My computer is broken. I need more meds.

I've checked Facebook, did a few things with followers on Twitter, pumped out some old blog posts from RogerBlazic.com (My main site) on a number of my networking sites, fought with F$(^*$ Microsoft Windows for 45 minutes trying to fix a formatting error on a post.

I don't know how you people with the PC's get shit done. I have never had so much trouble just trying to F&$#*ing COPY AND PASTE... That's Computers for Dumbshits 101. But NOoooooooooo... I'm wasting the 2 hours I have a day on the computer, trying to figure out HTML code because that is the only damn way I can fix the F-Up. Bill Gates is an evil Man. Gates bad. Jobs good. Gates bad. Jobs good. Gates bad. Jobs good. Where's Jack Nicholson with an axe when you need him?

The clock shows less than 3 minutes to go on this computer at the library.

But I found another library that will let me use their computer.

Got to run.

I'm trying to blog for a living. My computer is broken. I need more meds.

Love and kisses.... Gates bad. Jobs good. Gates bad. Jobs good.

http://www.rogerblazic.com/

Friday, June 17, 2011

The King Of Internet Access Whores - ME!

I'm an Internet Whore. The picture was just for fun.
Where there is a will, there is a way. I have more will than most. If a plane went down and we survived, I'd get us all out. Since my computer died on June 8th at 8:30 am, my whole world has been turned upside down and I've had to become The King of Internet Access Whores.

I hope you get this, because about 7 out of 10 just can't get it through their heads. Most of the problem is that they don't have enough information to open their mouth and say something that makes sense.

Here's the conversation I have about 20 times a day since my computer died.

"How's it going?"

"Not good. My computer died."

"You know they have them at the library."

"Yes, but I blog and had been writing and marketing my blog 20 hours a day and the library has a 2 hour time limit per day. I'm about 18 hours short."

"You can still go to the library."

"I do."

"Well, what's the problem?"

"After I get caught up on Facebook, Twitter and one of my email accounts, I have about 30 minutes to write a post. And that's not enough time, unless all I'm giving is the time and the weather."

"What's Facebook?"

"It's a place to meet people and share things."

"OK... still don't get it. I've heard of that Twitter thing. What's that all about?"

"It's a cool way to send short messages. You can use it to market a blog like I do."

"What's a blog?"

"They were called Weblogs when they first started. Think of a site that holds stories, like a newspaper."

"I don't get the paper."

"Anyway, my computer died and I'm screwed."

"They have them at the library."

"I think you mentioned that."

"Why don't you try craigslist?"
"I'd buy a lamp or a bike off of craigslist, but never a computer. It would take me a couple hours to check out all the software and to see if the damn thing stayed on for two hours before I'd buy it. Forget craigslist."

"Well, why don't you just go to the library?"

"They only let me go on for 2 hours."

"Oh, it has to be longer than that."

"I've been there every day and asked everyone I could if I could get more than 2 hours. You can only get 2 hours."

"You know Goodwill sells computers for $200."

"I need a Mac. I mean, I need an Apple computer."

"Check Goodwill and then go to the library after that."

"I doubt if I can get a used Apple computer that will do what I need it to do."

"I'm sure it would."

"No. I need certain programs. I want a camera on my computer so I can see my 10 year-old daughter in Las Vegas and I want to use the camera to teach blogging classes and marketing classes online."

"They have computer classes at the library."

"I don't need them."

"Have you tried a pawn shop?"

"Yes, piles of PC's for $300."

"Well, there ya go. $300 and you're back in business."

"They're PC's."

"Well, isn't that what you had."

"No, I had an Apple iBookG4."

"Oh, an Apple. That's one of those fancy ones. They're expensive aren't they?"

"Not really. When you figure that you have to spend a lot of money on virus protection on a PC, buy extra software to do all the stuff that comes standard with an Apple and you don't have to waste time defragging your hard drive and downloading endless patches to fix this and that and hook to a printer... An Apple is a bargain."

"Do they have those at the library?"

"No."

"But you can still go there?"

"Yup. Burned up my 2 hours this morning."

"Why don't you take your computer to Microcenter, they fix computers."

"My computer is six years old. Apple considers it a Vintage Machine, which mean it's older than five years and there are no parts available. Apple doesn't have the parts; Microcenter doesn't have the parts; and the little computer shops don't have the parts."

"Have you tried going to another library?"

"No, I don't know where one is."

"I'm telling ya, there are people on those library computers all the time."

"I need more than 2 hours a day on a computer to get done what I was used to doing. I'm broke, I live on food stamps and charity from my brother and sister for gas and toilet paper."

"Yeah, I'm on food stamps too. Do you get disability?"

"No, it was denied. But that's the case the first time around. I'm under appeal."

"Yup. The state is a bitch."

"I really don't want to be on the government's tit. I'm trying to build a business on the Internet through my blog."

"Yeah, you mentioned that blog. Can't you do the blog at the library?"

"Not enough time. Plus, there are programs I use that I can't download onto the library's computer. It's killing my marketing and my page views."

"Is that with your blog?"

"Yeah, I started on my blog on March 7th. In 90 days, I went from zero to over 60,000 page views. I'm good at search engine marketing."

"What's a search engine?"

"You heard of Google."

"Oh, that thing. I hear you can use that to look up all kinds of stuff."

"Yes... so you do know a lot about the Internet and computers? [Wink]"

"Oh, I don't bother with them. My son is an IT programmer. Maybe he can help you with your computer."

"No."

"Oh, he's a whiz. He's got computers all over his house. I'm sure he can help you. Here's his number."

"Thanks."

"So what are you going to do about your computer?"

"I have a donation button on my blog. I've collected over $125 so far. My goal is $1,200."

"Holy shit. TWELVE HUNDRED DOLLARS? Why so damn much?"

"The computer is $999, tax, 3% PayPal fee and the cost of transferring my old hard drive contents to the new computer."

"You can use the computers at the library. They're free."

"We've already covered the library thing. What I NEED on the computer is a camera, so I can do webinars and classes and some consulting. My old Mac doesn't have a camera. But the most important use of the camera is to see my daughter. She gets so excited when we get to Skype a couple times a month at my sister's house. She hasn't seen me in person since December 13, 2009."

"Why the fuck would you leave Vegas to come here?"

"I got sick. Bad things happened. I wound up broke. I needed medical attention and help. My sister and brother came through for me and helped me."

"Why don't you get the money from her?"

"They've given me too much already. Plus, my sister and brother think that my time on the computer is just goofing off until I can get a real job."

"Yeah, why don't you get a job?"

"I have two outfits... Jeans and t-shirt, shorts and t-shirt. That's my A-Game for an interview. But it doesn't matter. I can't get an interview."

"Why is that?"

"Well, for about 18 of the last 20 years, I was the boss. No one wants to hire the boss. And the advertising industry where I had a good reputation won't hire me because I don't have a degree in marketing, advertising or communications."

"Ain't that some shit."

"Here's the funny part. There are sites I go on where communications and advertising executives and managers hang out. I post stuff about marketing on there. I have people that are drilling me with questions, basically asking me for better ways to do THEIR job. And I can't get a fucking interview. Amazing."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Keep begging on the Internet with my tin cup out. If enough people gave just a buck, this crap would be over and I'd be rockin' and rollin' again. Like ther Rolling Stones sang, I Ain't Too Proud to Beg. Ha, ha, ha."

"You really begging?"

"Yup... and I've become a whore about Internet access. I go into stores and say - Can I do a tweet on your computer?" I also stop people with smartphones and ask them if I can do ONE tweet. If they have a business, I do two tweets. I do one for me and one promoting their business with the hashtag #Tweetwalking."

"What's a tweet?"

"I has to do with that Twitter thing."

"Have you tried craisglist?"

"You know, my laxatives just kicked in and I really have to go."

"Try the library. You can shit there and use the computers."

And that's a day in the life of The King of Internet Access Whores.


NOTE: I wrote this post at an Internet Cafe where people gamble away their rent on "Sweepstakes". The lady let me use the computer at no charge. They usually charge $6.00 an hour to use them. It's a gift. I'm grateful.

For details on how you can #SaveTheBlog or bring me back from #VirtualDeath - follow these two hashtags on Twitter or donate a buck (or more) on my main site...

http://www.rogerblazic.com/

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Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Roger Blazic Is Limited To 2 Hours Of Computer Time A Day - Arrrrrrgh!!!

Selecting a computer at the library.
When I had my laptop, I could be writing, researching, surfing, marketing and making friends for 20 or 30 hours straight - take a long break, rinse and repeat. Now... Roger Blazic is limited to 2 hours of computer time a day at the public library; and if you're lucky, they're consecutive.

Most bloggers fail because they think they can putz around for a couple hours a week and they'll make a forturne. HA!

I would spend every waking hour I could a day on my blog. Either writing, researching or marketing it.

Of course, I'm unemployed, can't get a job, have multiple mental illnesses, strange sleeping habits and a great smile. I have the time, energy and creativity to pull off being a big time blogger. But it takes lots of hard work and time. I had the work element down. But I've been impatient about the time.

Blogging, though, was the only thing that helped me out of my depression. I miss my daughter (she's in Las Vegas, I'm in Cleveland), I hate the storage shed I live in, I hate that I have to rely on charity and food stamps. I've never been this bad off. But losing the laptop is like stealing all of Lance Armstrong's bikes. He ain't winnin' no Tour de Shit without them.

I can't get done what I need to do at the library for 2 hours a day. Plus, the library blocks a lot of operations and downloadable programs that I use.

My time is just about up. Time to start shutting it all down. Time. Not enough. That's because Roger Blazic is limited to 2 hours of computer time a day at the public library.

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Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Welcome To The Life And Times Of Roger Blazic

Cruising with another Blogger blog.
For the past three months, I've worked day and night, seven days a week, trying to build up my main blog www.RogerBlazic.com. Everything was going GREAT. Blog page views were skyrocketing - 60,000+ in 90 days. My blog, based on http://www.alexa.com/ traffic ranking passed up over 2 MILLION sites last month. I cracked the 500,000 level in terms of top website in the U.S. Two hours later, my Apple laptop cooked itself. It's six years old. Apple does not provide parts for machines over five years old. So, I'm dead. The amount of work it takes to go into most of my blog posts I cannot accomplish with two hours of library computer time. So, I'm starting a blog that is part journal and an easy way to keep you abreast of what is going on in the world around me. Yes.. Welcome to The Life And Times Of Roger Blazic.

This blog is going to be more personal. You'll see photos of places I lived or places I've been. Diary, memoir, journal, etc. - all wrapped into one.

Someday, I won't be here. But the Internet will be and I want my daughter, family and friends to have a place to go to see who I was and what I tried to do during my time on earth. It's been a rough ride. However, it's been a wild and adventurous ride, too. There is NEVER a dull moment in my world. Every day, there are amazing stories to tell. I'll never be able to write them all in five lifetimes.

While www.RogerBlazic.com is down until I get a new computer, this is where we can catch up.

I need a new computer, specifically a MacBook. It's the right tool for the work I do on the Internet and it will be a blessed means to connect with my daughter, who lives 2,300 miles from me. Every time we get a rare chance to Skype, it's like Christmas for both of us. I want Christmas a bit more often than twice a month. I'm doing the best I can being a long distance parent. Please donate if you can. Just a buck from 1,200 of the 30,000 visitors that have come here since I started blogging again on March 7th, 2011 would do it. The DONATE button is on the upper right of www.RogerBlazic.com .

Now, I have to do some setup on The Life And Times Of Roger Blazic before my library computer time is up.

More to come. Thanks.
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